Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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