At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
