billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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