I just made out with a guy for $7.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
And the next thing I knew I was blowing this random hot italian bartender with an uncircumcised penis in his work closet
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
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