Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Randomize
