WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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