Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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