I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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