I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
