they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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