Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
