I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Randomize
