I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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