In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
No its cool, because I bought a handle of tequila earlier, in case things went south
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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