im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
