Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize