Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
