It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
