Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
