I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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