i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
