He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Randomize
