my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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