good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
I cannot believe I accepted his penis into my body.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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