so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
