I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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