Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
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