Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
i wish my penis had a tongue
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
