dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
