Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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