I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
