So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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