she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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