My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
