You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
MIDGETS
????
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
as a side note pls kill me
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
