epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
