You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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