Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
You made out with two different species that night
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize