remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
