Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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