Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Randomize
