Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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