I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Randomize
