I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Randomize
