Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
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