ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
