Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
