If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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