Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
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