I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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