after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
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