I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize