I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
