did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Randomize
