im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Randomize
