dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
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