we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
I'm looking at some sugar baby profiles to get some insight on what we're up against.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
