Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
