I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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