Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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