if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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