He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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