Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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