i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
Randomize
