Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
