just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
