Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
