if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
