Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Randomize
