dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
