im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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