What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Randomize
