I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
