There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
