we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
